BDSM is a lexicon of behaviors and activities surrounding the celebration of sexual freedom and alternative sexuality. BDSM experiences can range from highly ritualistic patterns of behavior to light-hearted, fleeting dalliances. A BDSMer may be a committed life-styler, or a curious passerby in any number of exchanges.
There is a saying: BDSM is like an all you can eat buffet--take what you want, and leave the rest on the table. For now.
What does BDSM stand for?
BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism (or sometimes DS = dominance and submission, depending on one's sensibilities). In a basic sense, these components make up the pillars of BDSM:
Bondage: the craft of restraining an individual in BDSM restraints like leather cuffs, steel spreader bars or BDSM ropes. Bondage might range from very comfortable to very uncomfortable, and may or may not include sensory deprivation, mental bondage or confinement as in cages, cells.
Discipline: the manifestation of erotic authority. Discipline is the framework for behavior where players can eroticize the giving and receiving of rules. Erotic tension is built on the enforcement of those rules, and plays out in the resulting punishments and rewards. Note: all rewards are best when they are hard earned.
Sadism: Erotic sadism is the celebration of giving a consenting masochist the sensations they crave in a controlled and trusted environment.
Masochism: Erotic masochism is the joy of receiving pain in a safe, consensual and satisfying way. Many masochists innately understand or learn how to process pain and transmute it into intense pleasure.
Dominance: Dominance can be described as taking the lead in a given BDSM interaction and controlling the dynamic through previously negotiated means to satisfy the desires of the players involved.
Submission: Erotic submission may be seen as the consensual subjugation of oneself to the given authority of a play partner.
What is BDSM about?
At its core, BDSM is about playing with authority.
Once consent and boundaries are in place, the players enter a field of play that is of their own making. The behaviors and activities that occur in this field may range from mild psychological discipline such as controlling one's posture, speech or behaviors all the way to extreme restraints, tests of physical capacity. Some BDSM experiences are even focused on spiritual enlightenment.
The duration of play sessions may be very short, made up of brief encounters, or long term involving written contracts that span weeks, months or even years. The range of experience is up to the players involved, their circumstances and ability to function in a healthy way both inside and outside of their chosen dynamic.
What is consent in BDSM?
Informed consent is the central tenet of all ethical BDSM. Consent is an ongoing and enthusiastic agreement between all involved players to engage. Consent may be withdrawn at anytime with no consequence.
Consent is the manifestation of trust between all involved.
What is BDSM negotiation?
Negotiation in BDSM involves the discussion of the players' safewords, hard and soft limits, likes and dislikes. Thorough negotiation includes planning post scene aftercare and possibly longer term followup, as well as potential contingency plans should something go awry in a scene.
A seasoned BDSM player plans for mutually desired outcomes and plots the best possible course of action to achieve those goals in a way that is risk aware, enriching and ultimately, satisfying.
What are some BDSM activities?
BDSM activities may involve restraints, light or heavy impact play, psychological control and/or various expressions of kinky sex and intimacy. It is not uncommon for BDSM players to experience and process pain and sensation differently than most people, although pain is not always a component of BDSM play.
How to do BDSM?
What is domination?
From a dominant's perspective, one way to play is to focus on controlling the submissive's nervous system. When we control the submissive's movement and senses, we can control sensory input and rate of that input.
For example, five swats with 5 seconds in between is a lot different than five swats with one second in between. The body needs time to dissipate the sensory input of the swats, and when the rate is pushed, the system begins to overload in the most delightful ways.
What is sub space in BDSM?
Sub space is an altered state of conciousness acheived through transformative BDSM activites like whipping, bondage, discipline or even roleplay. Heightened sensation and emotion triggers the body to release chemicals and hormones that effect the brain. Sub space can feel like a slight or intense euphoria or a heightened spiritual awareness.
How to get into sub space?
From a submissive's POV, one approach to reaching sub space is to welcome the pain. In the words of masochist Madison Young:
"Masochists witness the vibration of pain with an open and fearless heart. We welcome it in, observe it, and guide it on a journey of transformation and ecstatic release."
What are BDSM toys?
Kinky toys are many and varied. One can have a great scene at home with just a wooden kitchen spoon and a length of clothesline. Or, one might experience a fully equipped kink dungeon with custom BDSM furniture, overhead hoists and other BDSM gear. In perspective, the location and the kink gear are just the tools meant to implement the good stuff: the human connection.
Good BDSM is known to heighten intimacy, communication, empathy and deepen our understanding of one another.
What is in a BDSM Toy Bag?
BDSM enthusiasts work to build a collection of kinky equipment that suits their unique style and interests. A well put together BDSM toy bag might include some or all of the following toys:
BDSM often, but not always, incorporates impact toys like floggers, whips and canes to stimulate the nervous system and trigger the release of various hormones and chemicals. Impact play can quickly lead to an endorphin high, commonly known as 'sub space'. This physiological state can range from a slight sense of euphoria to a quest for spiritual enlightenment.
It is often, but not always, advisable to mix the two spheres of sensation so as to break up the pain profile that the nervous system is made to process. For example, one might commonly see a sadist using a heavy flogger in combination with a stingy cane.
What is sensation play?
Sensation play refers to the use of BDSM pinwheels, scratchers and other toys that are usually dragged across the skin or poked into the flesh of the masochist. Sensation toys are sometimes used as an add-on to a larger BDSM scene, and they fit nicely within the medical play aesthetic of BDSM.
What is sensory deprivation play?
When we are deprived of one sense, our other senses become more sensitive. Things get really interesting when we are deprived of multiple senses.
Gags are a great place to start with sensory deprivation. There is a strong element of control, but eye contact is still possible, giving a sense of safety and unspoken communication. Adding a blindfold ramps things up because now not only is the submissive unable to see their partner, but they also cannot see the flogger or the pinwheel.
Pro tip: use time to accentuate the feelings of sensory deprivation.
What are nipple clamps like?
Given our experience of clamping thousands of people's nipples, we can say with confidence that no four nipples are alike. Nipple size, shape and sensitivity vary widely and everyone has their own preferences. A well stocked toy bag contains a variety of nipple clamps: clover clamps, tweezer clamps, tit talons, magnetic orbs... the list goes on. When starting out with nipple play, it is best to try a variety of clamps to find what you like best.
Here at KINK, we bring three decades of real BDSM experience to the table. We have created literally tens of thousands of BDSM scenes with thousands of different people. Since our beginning in the 1990s, KINK has managed to create the largest library of BDSM content in the world and execute on it's mission: to demystify alternate sexuality. In matters of ethical BDSM, it is safe to say we have seen it all.
