If you're into BDSM on a regular basis, you know you have to bring a lot of creativity and energy to the equation. Sometimes, we can fall into seasons where we're simply not feeling it.
Tough shit. Here's how to break out of the doldrums:
1. Master yourself
Yeah, but how? Harness your inner game by doing hard stuff when no one is watching:
Set a hard goal and achieve it, like hitting a 2x bodyweight squat
Survive in the wilderness alone for a few days
Learn a new language
Delete social media
There is no external validation required because your own satisfaction is the only validation that matters. Build a wellspring of inner worth and share it with yours.
2. Become unreasonably competent at one thing
Pick a thing and learn everything you possibly can about it. Go out of your way to personally connect with those who are better at it than you.
For example, single tail whips are an excellent study because mastery translates to most other impact implements like the flogger, cane, and paddle. Handling a single tail well gives us leverage over the entire impact family.
Ace in the hole: a degree in behavioral science.
3. Ask and you shall receive
It's not always easy to hurt the ones we love, or the ones we just met. But it helps when they beg for it.
Negotiate that your bottom asks/begs to be hit/tied up/etc.
It takes a special kind of trust for a dominant to unleash their inner beast upon another person. The mental gymnastics can keep a person up at night.
This leads us to the next logical tip:
4. Create feedback loops
During the heat of battle, the attentive dominant is laser-focused on reading the reactions of their partner:
Are they present?
Are they breathing right?
Are they responsive, etc.?
We can probe for feedback by asking:
"Where are you on a scale of 1-10?"
"Moan louder if you like it"
"Look at me when I hit you" (okay, that's not a question)
5. Read books
Become familiar with the literature that documents and shapes the culture, both historic and contemporary. 50 Shades does not count.
Conclusion
Yes, dominance is hard, but only as hard as what is beyond our level of preparation.
"We don't rise to the level of our expectations; we fall to the level of our training." — Archilochus
Why should you listen to me?
You probably shouldn't take me too seriously because BDSM is a multi-faceted subculture and everyone has their own patterns.
But for context, I just looked up my director credits on Kink.com and wow thats over a thousand movies. Tack on another thousand for the other half of my career, and I have made about 2K BDSM movies over about 30 years.
Back in the stone age, it was drilled into me that any knowledge gained is useless till it is passed on. This blog builds on our tradition.
